The seams are easy to find if you look.

Sun, 22 May 2005 21:13:15 GMT

Sun, 22 May 2005 21:01:52 GMT

dj bedukay djing
spotting leaves

Sun, 22 May 2005 20:58:32 GMT

reflections
the boy with the drawn on moustache

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 05:12:25 GMT

Today, I fought back.

Mon, 07 Feb 2005 15:18:25 GMT

Well mike croft and others, here is an update for you all! If you haven’t noticed already, I haven’t used my live journal in quite some time as the last entry is dated sometime in august I believe... at any rate heres the details on our hot passionate sex!

go to the zombie ball bitchez!!!!

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 15:29:47 GMT

TONIGHT!!!
Be there or be square!

ZOMBIE BALL
August 29th at Flashbacks, State st. Binghamton
Monster Mash Zombie Party
Benefit for EDX
with Dj's D.F. Lazarus & Anastasia (Scranton Pa.)
GLENN (Misfits cover band)(Ithaca)
Others
The GraveYard Rumblers (Pa) http://www.graveyardrumblers.com
Free Beer 3-6pm, Food, Raffels, Costume Contest
Zombie Makeup Booth and More!
show up as a Zombie recieve a free Raffle Ticket
3 - 9pm / $10.00 / 18 & up

Brought to you by these Ghoulish Sponsers -
Flashbacks, New York Chefs, Old World Deli,
Carcass Zombie Makeup, Krypt Kiddies,
Shamen's Den, Sfumato Tattoo,
Stephen's Vintage Clothing, Black Azul,
Idiot Records, The Meltdown

+ older guys are hot......

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 04:27:19 GMT

so much has gone on lately im going to break it up into categories.
1.
BOYS
Part 1.
damn ... its gonna turn into a big story so i can explain this
me and jim were gonna hang out and try to buy some shrooms at the NYPENN cause lots of druggies go there but we didnt know where to get them and so we (me, jim, and jon fialla ( his guitarist in their band) ) went to jons vance's house and got wheed instead. but like jim had to go to BCC to drop off shit before 4 so he dropped me off at jon f.s house and we just hung out cause he was gonna take me home instead so jon took meout to eat and even bought me cigarettes then we talked and stuff then made out and he went down on me and it was fucking awesome! hehe and we almost had sex but then we didnt im not sure why. and we stopped at the gas station and there was this mad old lady walking around w. bright blonde hair and bright pink shorts and nasty tupe bra.. not even a tube top and she was totally sagging. this was on like tuesday.
Part 2. Thursday before work tom and i hung out and tom said he totally owed me make out time for showing him porn so we went up to the one parking garage and totally made out then we went to the other parking garage w. the 5 sublevels or whatever and we made out down there and like he had a condom out as i was giving him a hand job but then he like put it away so thats twice in one week i almost had sex then didnt ... it was strange
Part 3. but then allen stopped into work and afterwards we banged in the alleyway.
Part 4. then friday night i met this guy named Eric who works at music city and hes way cute and he stops up after he gets out of work and i showed him my boobs hehe and then we totally made out and he sucked my boobs at stuff at the studio and then i hung out w. him at his job on and off the next day and he stopped over again but he said he has a gf so i was sad :( ohh well cause he seems really nice not just like make out buddy stuff ... but even after he told me we were standing on the stairs and he kissed me again. and visited me after work again and was asking when ill be around again.... i was happy.. and i gave him one of my paintings that had breasts on it hehe cause he seems to like them alot oh yeah i gave tom a painting too. and paul one and brianna too.

um category 2.

Being Forgotten

allen totally blew me off the nights of my artshow i was supposed to stay with him at his house but hes totally crushing on this girl at work and he blew me off for her and then i didnt have a place to stay but brianna was nice and let me stay with her so im pissed at allen right now.

paul was nice though he didnt forget my art show. he came like he said he would and the day before i couldnt make it so i brought him fruit salad that i made to him at work because i am nice like that

STUFF I DID

this weekend to prep for the art show (which went horridly by the way less than 10 people came.... ) but i walked to ghetto giant and got lots of fruit and made it at my job it was good because i know how to make bitchin' fruit salad! i got to go to nikstock up in some town past owego it was kinda lame but i got to see others and i tried to be mean to this lady in line cause she budged and i said "Excuse Me! but do you mind Not budging next time?" i wanted to add in bitch too cause she was some lame ass bitch but i didnt and i slept over at george and briannas house and we played magic and made soap. and stuff. and ate food. and i eat meat several times from rockys cause while i was visiting paul giving him fruit salad i got some pizza and it had chicken on it so i ate it! then the next day i got a spedie sub MM MM good! but i left the other half in briannas fridge :( ohh well

then today sunday i stopped over to the show at ranells and got a bunch of records and zines and saw tom and brought him over to see my art and i gave him a painting and he liked it very much cause tom is nice and me and krissy hung out and she played ms. packman and became my offical street crosser cause i just tend to walk out into the traffic and she doesnt want me to get hit! aww nice girl! :) ohh but with all those zines i bought.. heres the story... so yeah i stoped in the show today and got some zines and records and the dude selling them runs up after i left and was like here you can have this stuff too its free and dumped some stuff in my bag .... i didnt really look at it till i got home and i was showing my mom these zines and then i pulled out the one he gave me and it had a BIG PENIS on it i was like OMG! and my mom was like OMG Anna!!! shes like what the hell! and i was like What the Hell! so i propmtly threw it away cause penis' are icky

ok im going to end this now i could go on about the burnt by the sun show... oh damn im going to now that i thought of it .... joey mac and joe lombardo were there and like all these kids from the estate too it was crazy but we got in free and some dude got his face smashed bad and it was way cool though blood all over. and i think someone spit on me but whatever whats new. lame ass kids!

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 18:00:56 GMT

ive been listening to alot of Cat Power and Smashing pumpkins lately.
and doing alot of thinking
i am going with tom tomorrow to rehang my pictures that fell down, but i am sad that our other plans got crushed. crushed by a dead bolt lock on a basement door. WTF??? maybe ill just have to print a few pages of my handy dandy anarchists cook book! i swear so many people at school have copies of that on their comp. because of me.
woohoo! BOMBS! yay! not really. but i def will be looking into some lock picking i NEED to get into the press buildings basement. its a matter of sanity. these dreams wont stop unless i get in there

Kittie SUCKS ASS!

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 21:08:14 GMT

NoWayBackBass: we're kittie we scream and we're girls and basically we are like the donna's and go go's but we suck

kendra is still cool sometimes

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 03:24:56 GMT

XviciouscabaretX: introvert, controvert, extrovert... oy
Oftrickery: pervert
XviciouscabaretX: woops
XviciouscabaretX: i overlooked one

They dont love you like i love you.

Sat, 07 Aug 2004 07:02:32 GMT

im crying right now.
i just had a conversation with paul
i think by far he is the only person
in the whole world who cares about me
with such conviction.
he is the only person who understands
me to an unbelievable rate.
he knows more about me than i do.

robertpauljuser: hey you
Oftrickery: hey paul
Oftrickery: whats up
robertpauljuser: not much, what's the deal?
robertpauljuser: what did i do wrong now?
Oftrickery: whats what deal?
Oftrickery: when you were at the car?
robertpauljuser: ever single time i saw you tonight that you clearly didn't want to even see me.
Oftrickery: actually to be perfectly honest
Oftrickery: its just the opposite
Oftrickery: but i suppose thats irrelevant
robertpauljuser: not really.
Oftrickery: i dunno im sorry i dont mean to come off as being so cold to you
Oftrickery: i really dont mean it
Oftrickery: and id love to spend more time with you sometime
Oftrickery: its just ... i dunno
robertpauljuser: because, i don't want to be cold, but i don't have time for drama.
Oftrickery: drama being?
robertpauljuser: i think you're brilliant, and i want to see you go far, but if you're going to play games, flat out, i don't have time.
Oftrickery: how am i playing games?
robertpauljuser: the melodrama of things like looking away every time i see you, avoiding eye-contact, this and that, that's a '
robertpauljuser: no.
robertpauljuser: you're fucking brilliant, go with it, stop trying to get a reaction from me.
Oftrickery: i dont want a reaction from you ... god .... i dont know what i want
robertpauljuser: you can try to put up an image to other people, but i think we're one in the same, don't try to put up one with me.
robertpauljuser: you're worth a lot, and you know it. until you start utilizing that, you're just playing games.
robertpauljuser: you're a fucking genius.
Oftrickery: i know i am . its just every way i want to utilize it it doesnt work
robertpauljuser: i know you're a genius.
robertpauljuser: but what i think is meaningless until you think the same thing too.
Oftrickery: like just everything i apply myself towards doesnt go how i want it to .... and thats why i have such shitty confidance
robertpauljuser: keep that in mind.
Oftrickery: i will
Oftrickery: i always take your advice to heart
robertpauljuser: take it to mind, not to heart.
Oftrickery: you know what i mean
robertpauljuser: if i wanted you to take it to heart, you would have made it into the "rules." now that's meaningless.
robertpauljuser: you drive me nuts, because i know what a genius you are, and you settle for melodrama constantly.
robertpauljuser: stop it.
robertpauljuser: take hold of what you are.
robertpauljuser: you think i would have spent this much time on you if you weren't worth it.
robertpauljuser: be what you are, not what you try to be.
robertpauljuser: what you are is so much more interesting.
robertpauljuser: tell THEM what you are, don't let them tell YOU a damn thing.
robertpauljuser: THEY aren't good enough.
robertpauljuser: they are nothing but one-trick-ponies, you are someone interesting, with something to say.
robertpauljuser: stop trying to be like them.
robertpauljuser: you're better.
Oftrickery: i wish other people saw that
robertpauljuser: fuck 'em.
robertpauljuser: that's the most important rule.
robertpauljuser: do YOU see it.
robertpauljuser: ?
Oftrickery: yes
robertpauljuser: if you do, then fuck them, fuck every single one of them. fuck me if i don't see it, anyone who doesn't see it doesn't matter.
robertpauljuser: they are there for you, you're not there for them.
robertpauljuser: i told you, the only reason the media exists is to be used and abuseds.
robertpauljuser: abused.
robertpauljuser: if you can't do that, you're one of them.
robertpauljuser: i'd rather be hitler than be one of them.
robertpauljuser: being bad is much better than being average.
robertpauljuser: and you're not average, you just pretend to be.
Oftrickery: hehe but im not bad either
Oftrickery: i try to be but see thats the thing ... i try
Oftrickery: and its not me
Oftrickery: im really this overly nice sap who cries over dead skunks in the road
robertpauljuser: fuck "them," and fuck "trying." just be.
robertpauljuser: none of that matters.
robertpauljuser: if you try, you're a failure. do.
Oftrickery: i know thats why im so angery at myself all the time..... i just feel so ... fake lately i dont like it i dont know what has possesed me to do it
Oftrickery: i mean god.. i went and bought a fucking pink shirt just to look hip and attractive
Oftrickery: what the fuck is that goonna do for me
robertpauljuser: you tell me.
robertpauljuser: if you can't, then you have no reason to have it.
Oftrickery: nothing
Oftrickery: it does nothing
robertpauljuser: if it's something vain, can you admit it to yourself?
Oftrickery: absolutely ive become very superficial lately
robertpauljuser: have a reason for everything you do. know why you're doing it. if that honest reason doesn't upset you, go with it. if that honest reason upsets you , kill it.
robertpauljuser: i do things just to "look cool"
robertpauljuser: it's fun sometimes.
robertpauljuser: but you have to be honest.
robertpauljuser: the thing that separates people is honesty
robertpauljuser: whatever you do, be honest about it.
robertpauljuser: who gives a shit if it's vain and superficial. is it making you happy?
Oftrickery: not really i dunno because the reasons im doing it arent working out
robertpauljuser: you frustrate me, anna, because i watch you go down the same cliche and boring path that i went down.
robertpauljuser: and i know how smart you are.
robertpauljuser: honestly, i look at you, and i feel like i'm talking to paul juser of 10 years ago
robertpauljuser: i've been trying to give you all the things i've come across in ten years, so you can spend the next ten years doing something better.
Oftrickery: or maybe no matter how much intervention there is i might just end up where you are ten years from now
robertpauljuser: then fuck you if you do.
Oftrickery: its like going back ot the past doesnt always change the future
robertpauljuser: if you have to learn it all over again, you're not worth teaching it to.
robertpauljuser: and if that were true about you, we wouldn't have been having this coverastion. don't give me that shit.
Oftrickery: im sorry
robertpauljuser: don't be fucking sorry.
robertpauljuser: regret is worthless.
Oftrickery: what do you want me to be then?
Oftrickery: you nkow youre a walking contradiction half the time
robertpauljuser: i want you to look at yourself and know yourself.
robertpauljuser: i'm happy. i can live with myself, no matter how much of a contradiction i am.
robertpauljuser: i don't give a fuck about that, because that's someone else's opinion.
robertpauljuser: tell me, how good are you?
Oftrickery: good how? a good person? good at what i do?
robertpauljuser: you know the answer, now tell me.
robertpauljuser: how good are you?
robertpauljuser: i don't know that answer, and i can't comment on whatever honest answer you say.
robertpauljuser: how good are you.
robertpauljuser: ?
Oftrickery: i know im better than the rest of those mindless fucks living out their lives with nothing but work tv sleep. i know i have a live and ideals and beliefs that make me. and i know i am a good person becaue im better than them. and thats all i want is to not be them.
Oftrickery: life*
robertpauljuser: what you want, what you want, what you want... blah blah blah blah. i want a lot of things too. what are you?
robertpauljuser: what you say doesn't matter, because you are the only one who can comment honestly on it.
robertpauljuser: not many people can actually get to that point in their life. i know you're one of them, that's why i'm doing this.
robertpauljuser: you are so much more than what you try to tell people you are.
robertpauljuser: but until you realize that for yourself, it's all meaningless.
robertpauljuser: and you're another boring phrank martian, or adam kulas, or brett frable.
robertpauljuser: or the entire cast of the macauly culprits.
Oftrickery: they were before my time
robertpauljuser: i know you're better than those people, but do you?

Oftrickery: well youve made me come to a realization
robertpauljuser: stop giving me excuses, fucking look at yourself
Oftrickery: that im going to change
robertpauljuser: i'm going to change--bullshit. you don't have to change.
Oftrickery: no
Oftrickery: hear me out
robertpauljuser: look at yourself differently as you are.
robertpauljuser: do you want to be worthless all your life? because you're not, they are. that's why they will always stay exactly what they are. do as you may, you'll never be able to stay on their level
robertpauljuser: it took me ten years to realize all this, and i don't want the same thing to happen to you.
robertpauljuser: you can tell me to stop this whenever you want.
robertpauljuser: it's all up to you how much you need to knwo righ tnow.
Oftrickery: no its alright i dont mind im glad you care so much about it ... its just 10 years of all your ups and downs and mistakes and life lessons is alot to take in but im trying
robertpauljuser: if you try, you're a failure.
Oftrickery: then how am i not a failure?
Oftrickery: just do it
robertpauljuser: by doing it.
robertpauljuser: by living it.
robertpauljuser: by doing what makes you happy.
robertpauljuser: by making the most of the little bit you were given.
Oftrickery: i do do the things that make me happy. but its the little things that make me happy. not really the big things. like eating roses in the commons. that would make me more happy than meaninless material objects
Oftrickery: ohh i make the most of what ive got no contest there
robertpauljuser: you're trying to justify yourself to me.
robertpauljuser: that negates it all.
Oftrickery: would you rather me sit here and not say anything?
Oftrickery: because some of these things you think i dont do i do do
robertpauljuser: then those things don't figure into the coversation.
robertpauljuser: but i do know you spend a lot of time seeking acceptance from a lot of people that don't ma tter--namely you.
robertpauljuser: i know that you put the thoughts of other people ahead of your own.
Oftrickery: yep
robertpauljuser: fuck them. they can never be better than #2, and you can never help them until you realize you are #1
Oftrickery: there in lies the problem... this bout i have with modesty
robertpauljuser: what has that ever done for you?
Oftrickery: it made me feel meek and mild and small and unnoticed
Oftrickery: thats about it
robertpauljuser: not a god damned thing.
robertpauljuser: i'll ask you again, how good are you?
robertpauljuser: the first step is answering that honestly to yourself, the second step is answering it honestly to me.
robertpauljuser: and the first part is a lot harder than the second.
robertpauljuser: and there are a lot of times that i think i know a hell of a lot more about you than you do.
Oftrickery: i think thats true
Oftrickery: my mind feels so controverted when i talk to you
Oftrickery: im so used to thinking i cant do this, theyre better than me, im not good enough
Oftrickery: and you make me feel so different like its all worth while
robertpauljuser: well fuck that.
robertpauljuser: and fuck what i make you think. you need to think it for yourself, or it's meaningless.
Oftrickery: i know@
Oftrickery: i think i need to believe in myself more and give myself more credit rather than bashing every thing i do
robertpauljuser: i know how good i am, and i know how good you are, but do you know how good you are?
Oftrickery: no
robertpauljuser: that's why i don't compliment people.
robertpauljuser: fuck anyone that needs my encouragement.
Oftrickery: i rely too much on other peoples opinions
robertpauljuser: why?
Oftrickery: because i dont feel competent enough or pretty enough. and thats why i get all dolled up and act all superficial to be someone who im not its rare that i feel at ease around people and to be myself
robertpauljuser: and admitting those things to me is just as meaningless. until you can admit those things to yourself and enjoy your life, you're under their control
robertpauljuser: life isn't a lot of time, do what yhu can to make it happy.
Oftrickery: i end up trying to please other people more than myself
robertpauljuser: a person is worthless until they stop being worthless to themselves.
Oftrickery: deja vu
Oftrickery: Allen said the same thing to me last night .... "No one is gonna like anna if anna doesnt even like herself"
robertpauljuser: he seems like kind of a dumbass, but he was right about that.
Oftrickery: no allens not a dumbass
robertpauljuser: no one gives a shit about you until you do.
robertpauljuser: the only reason anyone can say you are worthless is if you do too.
Oftrickery: and i do i degrade myself constantly
Oftrickery: i know im better than what i say
robertpauljuser: do you know that yet?
Oftrickery: but when people try to hurt me and break me down it hurts less if i keep telling myself all these lies
Oftrickery: i know it
Oftrickery: i dont like to admit it but im aware
robertpauljuser: telling me that only means something if you know it's true.
Oftrickery: i know its true paul
Oftrickery: i dont lie
robertpauljuser: if what they say matters, you don't know that about yourself yet.
robertpauljuser: suffice it to say, you don't matter until you know you matter.
robertpauljuser: i know that you matter, and it DOESN"T MEAN A DAMN THING.
robertpauljuser: and with that, i'm going to bed.
Oftrickery: ....
robertpauljuser: good night, dear.
Oftrickery: goodnight paul
Oftrickery: im glad you care so much
Oftrickery: it means alot
robertpauljuser: good night.
Oftrickery: : )

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 18:24:24 GMT

Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results

Sociability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Activity Level	\|\|\|\|\|\|	18%
Excitement-Seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Enthusiasm	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%
Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Trust	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Morality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Cooperation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Modesty	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Sympathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Friendliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	51%
Confidence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Neatness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Achievement	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Self-Discipline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	48%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Volatility	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Depression	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Self-Consciousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Impulsiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Vulnerability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Imagination	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Artistic Interests	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Introspection	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Liberalism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%

Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 01:41:21 GMT

today i went mad crazy cleanign again i put my bed in my small room and i had this plan to sleep on my chaise...but i dunno.... im kinda deciding against it now that i went through all this FUCKING trouble of moving mattresses and bedframes and shit plus i dunno ... i wanna move out soon. 0w4iejrowdjf;
hmm
i worked so heard i had sweat dripping down my face it was so gross i dont think i ever remember exerting myself to that extent before.

i went on a date the other day met someone off the internet.. nothing new they looked ok in the pics on myspace and b and aln said he was skinny.. but apparenty they confused him w. someone else and he steps out from aside the car and has like HUGE Womanly Hips and Thighs!!!
Ugh!!
and i felt so bad cause im so superficial and we watched fight club in my room and oy i felt like i was acting so mean and im keeping my away message up so i can avoid him. why dont i ever listen to what aln tells me?
and i have this bruise on my head like i dunno i think it was a pimple (ewww!) but escalladed into something else. cause i hit my head on something right on the bruise and its bloody and a bump like a bruise. it sucks
i have a dr. suess bandade on my forhead right now.

Tue, 03 Aug 2004 07:17:31 GMT

so paul and i are talking about weird al and
it made me remember how in 2nd grade you
could bring in tapes you wanted to listen to
at the end of music class and these black
kids always used to bring in a Gangsters Paradise
and it made me think of Amish paradise

LISTEN TO OURS

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 15:59:02 GMT

She won't mind, she's got bills to pay
She won't mind, because I come today
Its feels so wrong to be right
She sits tight, in a different way
Pulls my eyes with the words she say
To be is all that she desired

But they didn't love you in our time
Nobody wants you in your life
Bleed and they'll serve you, alive

---------------------------------

We've taken, medication
So we can run away from
Another day

I feel alive, I'm falling
We dance until the morning closed our eyes
I would love to stay here and never have to go
And no one in the world would ever know

We've taken, medication
So we can run away from
The things that pain us, pain us

-------------------------------

Am I a bad guy?
Am I a bad soul?
My eyes roll backward
My head fell forward
We want the vampires
They want the daylight
Undecided if we will feel it
All the lies and fantasies I picked to deny what is right
as the lawyers lie down to the sound of a broken man clinging
to the legs of a butterfly, of a butterfly
We live to see our children die,
turn to the light to describe what we never will find,
I'm a vampire clinging to the sounds for a fast high.

-------------------------------------------------

And I gave you the rain you claimed the sun
When I took it away you came undone
Even the rain can take the sun
Take it away and file into the light
Where everyone just waits to find
Another thing to steal that's mine
It's unbelievable human kind
It's unbelievable
It's like a pain
Pain..now
How come everybody's doing different then they've said
Complaining that their living and they'd rather be dead

---------------------------------------------------

Cause I am like a big strong cable
I am like a girl so soft inside
Finally today I'm able
To put you in the ground
I'll meet you in the ground

--------------------------

I can be just like the others
I can act just like your brother
I can dress just like your mother
I can be but I don't bother

In a minute, In a minute
I can be these things
In a minute don't you get it
Don't you get it

If I was to be as cruel as I could be
Would you like to still give all of your life to me?

---------------------------------------------

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 04:52:43 GMT

You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent.

"And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil."

Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek).
The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
water.
Her sign is the twilight sun.

As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you've never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it's only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

a form thingie

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 02:49:06 GMT

--[ SERIES 1 - YOU ]--
--Name: anna
--Birthday: april 24
--Birthplace: Binghamton, NY
--Current Location: harpursville, ny
--Eye Color: blue
--Hair Color: light Brown but will be super blond when it grows out
--Righty or Lefty: right
--Zodiac Sign: taurus
--Innie or Outtie: innie
--Religion: Kind of a mix
--Font:MS Mincho
--[ SERIES 2 - YOUR FAVOURITE ]--
--Music: cure, loudermilk, saves the day, vast, paul van dyke
--Cartoon: Prometheus and Bob
--Color: blue
--Slushy Flavor: blue
--Holiday: halloween
--Magazine: i dont read any really... i like zines though
--TV Show: pete and pete, action league now, are you afraid of the dark... all 90's nickalodeon!
--Song: VAST - Pretty when you cry
--Language: um i speak english, french, russian, and alittle german
--Food & Beverage: fav foods:
mac and cheese, lo mein, potatoe pancakes
drinks:
orangina, root beer, vodka, orange juice (tropicana most pulp)
--Subject in School: social studies, science, english... easy!
--Weekend Activity: ALN time movies sleep
--Ice Cream Flavor: cookies and cream, chocolate chip cookie dough, orange/rainbow surebet
--Roller Coaster: ive only ridden 2, one i almost fell out of, and the other i spent biting my friends back the whole way around. im not too fond of rides like that

--[ SERIES 3 - WHAT IS ]--
--Your most overused phrase on aim: uh huh
--The first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning: i usually wake up this afternoon but at anyrate... Fuck i have summer school
--The last image/thought you go to sleep with: sarah from if man is five, or sam
--The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: eyes
--The wussiest sport: curling
--Your best physical feature: eyes, lips, hands
--Your best personality trait: ill always make you think i mean it.
--Your bedtime: usually around: ohh either 3 am or 3 pm i sleep weird
--Your greatest fear: dark water and big fish and monsters
--Your greatest accomplishment: im proud of my zine and im proud of what we were (to quote VNV Nation on the second part)
--Your most missed memory: i miss not having any good ones with my dad. they all went wrong. i dont have one good memory with him except maybe that time i was so happy to see him i ran out of the house naked when i was like 5 when he came back from the base. i miss playing bouncey ball w. blue balley in the wash room at the base.

--[ SERIES 4 - YOU PREFER? ]--
--Pepsi or coke: root beer
--McDonald's or Burger King: mcdonalds or arbys
--Single or group dates: single
--Adidas or nike: converse? theyre ok
--Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers: i LOVE chicken fingers, but i settle for morning star chicken nuggets and patties
--Dogs or cats: sasha!
--Rugrats or Doug: Doug
--Single or taken: im single. but. i like meeting nice boys.
--Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: brisk or nestea
--One pillow or two: 3
--Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
--Hot chocolate or hot cocoa: indifferent
--Cappucino or coffee: fuck coffee
--Drinks with or without ice cubes: indifferent
--Give or receive: let them do the work! i just like to lay on my back
--Democrat or Republican?: neither
--Liberal of Conservative?: either or... depends on topic.

--[ SERIES 5 - DO YOU ]--
--Take a shower everyday?: i dont remember the last time i showered...
--Have a(any) crush(es)?: well, there is this one boy... hahaha how cliche... i miss sam but im meeting new people all the time
--Do you think you've been in love?: its possible they always just seem to fall out of love with me
--Wear Glasses/contacts?: goggles
--Have/had braces?: retainer i still wear
--Want to go to college?: NEVER!
--Like high school?: I fucking hated it.
--Want to get married?: perhaps
--Type with your fingers on the right keys?: yes
--Believe in yourself?: no
--Like yourself?: at times ... i like when people like me. how selfish
--Have any tattoos/where?: no
--Have any piercings/where?: no
--Get motion sickness?: i dont think so....
--Think you're a health freak?: not really but i get sick alot
--Get along with your parent(s)?: w. my mom
--Like thunderstorms?: very much so

--[ SERIES 6 - THE FUTURE ]--
--Place you hope to live in: a city w. more businesses than i have apendages.
--Age you hope to be married: i dont want to do anything rash too soon i have my whole life inhead of me
--Number and Names of Children: atleast 2 cause being an only child is really lonely.
boy:edmund, edward, jaye
girl: magdelina, jane, maelodinne
--Where do you see yourself at age 20?: drunk in my appt. w. my room mates and maybe a $20 bill up my nose...
--Age 30?: regretting the reprecussions of my early drug and alcohol use

--[ SERIES 7 - OPPOSITE SEX]--
--Best eye color?: blue or green
--Best hair color?: dark dark hair, or bleach blonde
--Short or long hair?: atleast 1" (unless its my buddy AP)
--Best height?: about as tall as me maybe 5"4' or really tall like 6"4'
--Best weight?: not too skinny i like alittle pudge
--Best personality trait?: makes me happy and not uncomfortable and we can have awkward moments and not feel awkward about it. i like to feel comfortable around people

--[ SERIES 8 - OTHER ]--
--When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal?: last night.
--How many rings untill you answer the phone?: until i get to it
--What's on your mouse pad?: its blue
--What place is the fatherest away from home you have ever been?: canada, 1000 islands, nyc, philly, and mercer, pa
--How many houses have you lived in?: 2
--How many schools have you gone to?: 2
--What color is your bedroom carpet?: hard wood floor
--What color are your bedroom walls?: blue
--How many windows in your bedroom?: 1 big 1 small
--Would you shave your head for $5000 dollars?: i guess its only hair it will grow back
--List your top 5 favorite tv channels in order:
1. sci fi
2. independant film channel
3. the british broadcasting channel America
4. w.e. one has queer eye for the straight guy on it
5. nickalodeon or cartoon network

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 22:03:23 GMT

2% of the teenage population doesn't or hasn't tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, paste this into your journal.

....

But opium on the other hand.....

:)

Epiphanies and Eggs

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 02:36:24 GMT

Nothing peeves me like apathy. Nothing. I fucking despise apathy, and think it needs to be confronted at every orafice where it harbors its ugly head. How can anyone not care? Im not mad at them for it, just fucking bewildered. People need to get off of the "me" complex and do something to improve the world. Honestly, our society is so full of shit. Even our media is apathetic... I mean, since when was Kobe Bryant a relevant story to world events. What we need is a revolution... not a revolution of violence and bloodshed, a fucking information revolution. A revolution of the mind.

so i got this out of a friends journal and im sure youll read this and be like wtf but ohh well.....

it really bothers me how people arent apathetic. when i see what the world has come down to, it makes me sad. but the worse thing is, that so many people all over the world are too closed minded to care or try to do anything about it. and even the people who do care and try to make a difference, its not gonna matter in the long run.

like with being a vegetarian, i know im not going to make anyone not eat meat. im not going to preach to them, tell them what to do. i mean, of course it bothers me, but i dont want to become just another brain washed peta activst. i am really against alot of things peta does. they are all talk and no action. and on that note, someone once said to me on the topic of peta " if you keep screaming your point, all people start to hear is the yelling and not what youre saying" in otherwords if all peta does is shove propaganda down your throat everywhere you go, people are just gonna be like Fuck PETA! cause theyre so annoying. and they are. The ALF (animal liberation front) on the otherhand, is an extremist group. they go around and "rescue" animals from slaughter houses and put them in animal sanctuaries. yeah thats great and all but they also burn down buildings that people are just going to rebuild again and again. because the meat industry is a big thing all over the world. just because you want to try and save the animals by rescuing a few here and there, or being a vegetarian, or handing out flyers about "KFC Kruelty" is not going to change the minds of very many people at all... if any. its futile.

people need to come to this decision on their own. they shouldnt have the peta or anything else shoving ideas in their face. i mean, yes the information should be presented to the general public so everyone is aware of such things as slaughter house conditions, or rainforest depletion and the death of gorillas just for cell phones and light weight electronics, but no one cares. they want better and cheaper.

They want MORE.

and i think a revolution starts not with a group of people, not with a country, but with yourself.

you have to come to your own decisions.

You have to change yourself.

You have to open your mind.

people are to caught up in other peoples ideals. i mean yes i want people to come to their own decisions w. the infulence of other great minds. go read books! Go watch tv! go on the internet! go talk to a stranger! Do something. then question everything.

dont let the constraints of the world hold you back. that is whats wrong with people. they are to tied to everything

even the people who try to be different are stuck in a conformity. punks cant dress like preps cause its wrong. they want to go agains the norm, break the conformity right? but isnt that a conformity in itself? that they cant dress how ever they want? people always find something to complain about. this year they say "get bush out! Anyone but bush!" next year theyll find something wrong with the new president, and the next president, even if its the one they voted for. no ones perfet and we all want someone to blame. Scape goat!

for our own problems. because we cant do it for ourselves, we blame the government, our schools, the drugs, the violence, the crime, the killers, the phsycopaths. its always someone elses fault

Take responsibility for your self!

if you are going to find one philosophy practice this one:

ex·is·ten·tial·ism P Pronunciation Key (gz-stnsh-lzm, ks-)
n.

A philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts.

We play GWAR at Skate Estate!

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 04:47:07 GMT

Ihitmywifedaily: plink plink
Oftrickery: dropping coins in the toilet again joe?
Ihitmywifedaily: nope, in a dead hookers blown open skull
Oftrickery: oh sweet!

joe is so cool!

not to be confused with
joey.

but they are both equally cool
and in RIVERHURST!

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 04:39:46 GMT

so hmm i am infintately sad about not being able to go see the cure. which means i am going to buy lots of meaningless things to make myself feel better. tonight alone i have:
1. purchased my loudermilk rare promo cd/video/patch/pins combo
2. chinese food for both me and my mom
3. i rented 7 (6 really but ones a 2 part) videos that i have never seen but have ment to see for quite some time.
the videos are:
Titus
American History X
Magnolia
Vanilla Sky
Unbreakable (moms pick)
American Beauty

yes.
oh and i fixed my star light and it has a new light bulb.
this means i will sleep so much MORE
because that light never gets shut off
and i just stare at it until i fall
asleep. thee end

franz ferdinand is ok
i was listening to the
thrills today too.
Just dont go back to Big Sur!
and alot of this bike is a pipe bomb
or maybe some against me! and my
morning jacket. and alittle aphex twin.

insert sad face here

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 17:48:33 GMT

nobody likes me.
no one ever calls me except allen
if i dont im people first, i rarely get any ims
except from 20+ men
i really dont hang out w. people that much, except allen
we do stuff like every week or so.
but aside from allen, the only other persons houses ive been to ALL YEAR are danielles, joes, and pauls...oh and i guess phrank counts too but it was a house show.... and in the past while i havent even seen danielle in a while. which makes me sad cause danielle is my only best friend. she is my only friend at school and my only female friend at that. kendra doesnt talk to me anymore which makes me sad because she is super cool.
ohh well.

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 19:44:18 GMT

i cant go see the cure
i want to die.

Go go to the graveyard!

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 14:39:45 GMT

Oftrickery: when will i die?
SmarterChild: You know when.
Oftrickery: how will i die?
SmarterChild: Why will you die is a much better question.

HUM IS ONE OF THE BEST BANDS

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 14:14:51 GMT

i woke up and its raining and i put on some HUM (not lame ass HIM) because HUM is so awesome and so me and joey mac are swaping the rainy song lyrics by hum
joey mac is way cool. i want to visit him in rochester sometime i havent seen him in a while :(

And I like your raindrop collector, splash in my eyes and makes everything else look like you. So hand me the glasses and teach me to use them show me the window I want to look to. I'll take the glasses and cover for you,
you get some sleep and I'll stay 'til two.
I'm looking for six who know about sound,
we promise to come back upside down.